Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
