My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
