So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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