Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
