He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
