you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
