this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i now understand why vodka
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
