WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
