I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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