When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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