I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
