Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
