we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
