What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
