Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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