She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
