I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
