I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
