Me. At least after what I've been through.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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