mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
