i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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