If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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