I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
