Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
this boner is exhausting
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize