The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
