apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
