the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
