Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
