That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
