Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
