We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
