dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
