It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
