Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
