Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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