I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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