I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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