Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
