Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
