Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
