and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
