go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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