Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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