I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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