I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
soo... how was my night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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