sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
