please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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