So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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