thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
