Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
