My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
