Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
