FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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