Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
