my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
