i permit you to call me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
