There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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