I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
