i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
