I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
