I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
