I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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