i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
