real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
