who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
COCAINE IS GR8
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize