I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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