Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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