ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
